Brothers and sisters of the swole. The most important day in swole history is upon us, in just a week’s time, the great feast of Thanksgaining will be here. Many of us will travel great distances to celebrate this great day. For those not aware of it’s origins, I will share with you the tale of the very first Thanksgaining.
The year was 1620, Swolegrim brothers and sisters faced swole oppression and swole shaming by their neighbors, those who preferred AM Cardio on an empty stomach, and bicep curls in the squat rack. These followers of Broki did not accept our ancestors large physiques and in order to be free of swole oppression our ancestors were forced to seek out new land. Swole brother Christopher “Squat Rack” Jones had a mighty ship built, which he called the Swoleflower. On this ship many swole brothers and sisters sailed the sea in search of new lands, to build new temples and to make great gains where all who were Swole would be accepted.
Their troubles my brothers had just begun, while sailing the seas many brothers and sisters were forced to bring foods that would inhibit gains, forced to carb dirty and having a lack of proper rocks and trees to hoist they lost much of their mass. This was a period of great peril, and as I tell this tale let us have a moment of silence for the lost gains. Wheymen.
But our fearless swole brother “Squat Rack” Jones did not give up, he knew that these new lands would bring many gains, and soon they reached the Rock that would be called Plymouth, and our Swolegrim brothers and sisters knew that they would make great gains here for the land was shaped like a flexing bicep
Quickly work began to construct a temple to honor Brodin, many large stones were lifted with proper form, trees were felled and logs carried overhead, pressed many times as they built. For many months our brothers and sisters did lift much weight, but the land was harsh and unyielding, and the food it provided did not contribute to their gains. Hope was lost, this new land would not provide the gains they needed and they considered abandoning the iron path, and possibly doing cardio to get toned for summer.
However one day when all hope seemed lost, a young brother of 19 years, Sir Max Repetitions was still out hoisting many stones, determined to make great gains, when he came across a strange people; bare chested and clothed in the skin of animals they walked the earth half nekkid, for all to be mirin, and displaying their swole for all to see.
These bare chested Native Swolians quickly began teaching our swolegrim brothers and sisters of the land, they worked hard to produce many animals to be consumed, they taught our people of growing clean carbs, and how to harness the mighty omega 3 bearing fish of the sea. In months to come our ancestors came to make many gains, their mass returned and they were swole again.
And so it was to come on the 4th THORSday of BROvember, the Native Swolians and our Swolegrim brothers and sisters feasted in a grand manner to celebrate their gains, feasting and resting throughout the day to increase their swole. They declared this Swolyday to be a Thanksgaining. Let us not forget the sacrifices these brothers and sisters made, and their undying commitment to making gains. Beware the following day my brothers and sisters, the true meaning of Black Friday I must also share with you. A day when many of the unswole, and followers of Broki will attend temple and do cardio on this day, destroying the gains they made on the previous day.
The Story of Thanksgaining as told by DBOL22